What We Can Learn From Gay Guys About Online Dating
By Georgia Clark
They’ve taught us everything from how to give the perfect blowjob to the art of the razor-sharp retort. But the advice our gay brothers have for us doesn’t end there. If there’s one place where gay guys rule the school, it’s in the online dating arena. Here’s what us girls can learn from boys who like boys.
1. Cut to the chase. How many times have you sat through dinner and dessert with someone whom you realized the second you laid eyes on them was never, ever going to see your O face? We ladies need to get better at cutting to the chase. In gayland it’s completely au fait to, upon realizing your online date is not going to float your boat when meeting IRL, simply say, “I’m sorry, you’re not what I was expecting and this won’t work for me” and then leave. No tedious drink. And no hard feelings: it’s just the way things are done. Okay, maybe you’re not ready for instant rejection. But you can certainly downgrade his suggestion of ‘dinner and a movie’ to your suggestion of ‘a quick drink before I met a friend’. You might not need it, but that Get Out Of Jail Free card could make all the difference.
2. Sex first, date second. Many gay dudes hook up for sex and then if that and the post-coital chatter is great, decide to go on a date. You’re a smart, funny lady: you can probably banter with the best of them. But we all know that je ne sais crois that is sexual chemistry is much rarer. This approach prioritises the important (and fun) stuff. Bedroom first. Bar second. Done.
3. Listing penis size. Peruse a gay man’s profile and it’s not uncommon to see penis size right alongside theirheight, weight, and race. Straight culture could learn a lot from such openness. Sure, it might take a little of the ‘opening the biggest present on Christmas Day’ excitement out of the first time he’s getting ready to slip into something more comfortable (i.e. you), but if you were expecting a Barbie and all he’s packing is a Troll doll, this would save considerable disappointment.
4. Being open about sexual preferences. Similarly, it’s pretty normal for gays guys to list their sexual preferences: top (the penetrator)/bottom (the penetratee)/versatile. It does seem strange that our two different sexual persuasions have organized so differently, and we can probably blame sexism for that. Us ladies aren’t socialised to embrace our sexual desires like men are, so it’s easy to see how casually mentioning your preference for being on top would paint you as a wanton woman, rather than a regular one. Sigh.
5. Right here, right now. It’s an offensive cliche to state that tonnes of gay dudes are just looking for sex, but tonnes of gay dudes are just looking for sex. Grindr is a location-based social networking app that uses GPS to help its users find out who is up for it and how far away they are (down to how many feet away they are). Sure, be you gay or straight, you’re often using online dating to look for love…. But c’mon. Sometimes quick ‘n’ dirty rumble in the jungle is the order of the day. And considering he’s only 350 feet away… Hello neighbour!
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