From the Casting Couch and Back Again

From the Casting Couch and Back Again: How One Girl Almost Had It All.

A long time ago in a galaxy not so far away (Stanmore), I had my first taste of a forbidden fruit known as the adult industry. This is what happened.

Me and pornography have had an interesting relationship: we never really knew each other when I was younger. In high school when most guys were riding their pink ponies through the land of all things flesh, the closest thing I really had was Sex Life on Channel 10. Sex entertainment with the target audience being Carol Brady and infomercial hosts. I only really started watching porn when I decided at the tender age of 23, that I wanted to be a porn director.

I’d gotten an email from a guy called Brad looking for the services of a director for his new online, adult entertainment company. Being a little naive, it didn’t actually click upstairs that he meant a porno director until the phrases “hard core sex elements” kept coming up in our first phone conversation and I knew he wasn’t talking about a handshake and a kiss goodnight.

I went round to his very nice house in Paddington and tried my darndest to convince him that despite my age and gender that I was the director for the job. It’s pretty much gotta take the cake for weirdest job interview ever; you’re not going to be going for that big important job in marketing and your boss to be asks you what interests you about porn. (Hey, maybe that’s how it does work, I never got those corporate types.)

We decided to expand his repertoire and I would make a lesbian porn pilot for a series for the internet.

So I started researching: that is, spending a lot of time hoping my flatmates wouldn’t be popping home unexpectantly early from work, in the elusive quest to find ‘good porn’, which is trickier than a bag of tricks from Mr. Tricks Trick Shop. I went through more seesawing action and gratitutious flesh than an abattoir during the mad cow disease outbreak.

The interesting thing about going on these kinds of benders is the adjustments you have to make when to do venture into the outside world. In the land of porn there really is only one objective and all the inhabitants of this badly decorated and over-exposed world are united in their quest. Consequently when you emerge into real life, blinking and dazed, you tend to immediately look for those patterns again and everything has this strangle sexual overtones. …. After one little marathon some friends and I were on a train and this couple in front of us were pashing on, so we put our feet up for the show, unashamedly checking the action out and then – they stop. Instinctively we all heckling, “Come on! Do it!! Get the gear off and do the nasty! What is this – M-rated?! Boo!!!!” They were less than impressed.

I was in pre-production for my film, I’d found a stylist, a DOP, locations etc, and I had been hassling Brad no end to let me come on a shoot (even sentences like that would become faux-pas, you had to be really careful how you worded everything) and finally he let me. It was a gay guy shoot in a warehouse in Camperdown and I hadn’t been that excited since I discovered Cinderella the porno musical. (A real classic – an all-singing, all-dancing 80s porn update of the shoe-fitting metaphor, if you know what I mean. Check it out.).

It was one of the actor’s first times and of course he hadn’t been told I was coming so he was just super happy to hear that this young girl was going to watch him get his gear off and screw a complete stranger for the first time in his life, so already we were off to a good start. The only people there were me, the producer, the two “actors” and two guys with digital cameras.

The rule I picked up first was you’ve gotta appear bored. There are so many other things you could be doing right now and quite frankly if you see another guy giving a dude head, well, you might just fall asleep out of sheer disinterest. There really is an art to blasé chit chat about Sydney traffic with a nude porn star, but I think I was doing pretty well.

The film we were shooting didn’t actually have a real storyline – what a shock – but was a part of a series called Sex Games – modeled on the Gay Games Sydney hosted – (sporting events followed by heaps of sex, so probably not that much different to the Games themselves). That meant that the first few minutes were of the two guys kick boxing and then whaddya know, maybe we’ll end the training session with some horizontal folk-dancing. This adhered to porn’s standard format – blow jobs, 69ers, anal sex, money shot. So they’re kick boxing away and then it starts to get a little hot and heavy and the human tripod starts to make its way out of the tight little kickboxing shorts. The boys pop off to pop Viagra and one of the directors comes up to me and says, ‘Georgia we need your help’, and I’m thinking, ‘Well fluffer is almost as good as feature film director but what do I tell the grandkids’ and he’s like, ‘We’re getting some shadows over their genitals, can come here and shine this lamp on them?’.

I don’t really remember the first time I saw a penis. Gay sex usually means hot, well-filmed episodes of Queer As Folk. Needless to say there’s nothing that’ll get you up to speed on Anal Sex 101 than a porn shoot. So there I am, crouching literally a metre away from two sweaty, red-faced men fucking like their lives depended on it, shining a tiny lamp so their penis’ are clearly lit. What can I say, I want to make my parents proud.

Meanwhile, I was busy creating my own porn empire. The interview process for porn stars is about as complex and intellectual as you’d imagine:

“Me: Will you have sex on camera?

Them: Sure

Me: You’re hired”

By this stage I was sending out emails that ended in things like,

“Don’t be surprised if we find ourselves chatting about whether you’d be comfortable being penetrated with a dildo or not – after all, this is the crazy world of porn!”

I was on fire. It was time to take things to the next level.

I met Jane, the editor of Wet Set magazine: “Pissy Wet Girls and Diapered Pussies” – one of the many strange and wonderful offshoots of porn. In the rainforest of sex entertainment, it’s probably some kind of damp glow-in-the-dark fungi. Jane and her girlfriend were great, they had heaps of tips of how to relax the models, how to go for different angles, what to have on the shoot.

Make sure you have tea and coffee.

Make sure you have towels and lube.

Make sure you’re paying your models $700 per hour.

This was a bit of a revelation: Brad was only offering $250 per hour. The cracks in my dream were beginning to appear.

My idea was to create quality lesbian porn – porn, for a new generation. To whit:

“A series of short, smart, hard-core pornos for urban girls. Each episode depicts lesbian sexual fantasies in a sci-fi, industrial landscape, as sexy, spunky women lick, kiss, suck and fuck their way through the 21st century. Pleasure seeking cyborgs, spacey  wet dreams, leather mannequins cumming to life. Cybersex girls is new, hot quality porn here to give life to your ultimate cybersex fantasies”.

Brad never gave me the money for the pilot. There’s only so many times you can leave messages begging someone to give you money so you can film good looking girls have sex with each other before it’s grounds for an AVO. I got a full time job in a legitimate industry (if the music industry still counts as such, I’m not so sure) and my dreams all faded away.

And that’s pretty much my story of how one girl almost had it all. To close: Whereas as real life can be complex, unpredictable and confusing, I always found some bizarre kind of solace in the simple, strange land of porn. They’ll always be a place in my heart for my favourite b-grade art form.

*Name changed to protect the pornographers. Except for mine.

Georgia Clark

About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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