When Good Dates Go Bad

The art of surviving a snooze of a date.

To find a prince, you have to kiss a few toads. At one stage you will find yourself on the world’s worst date… Here’s how to avoid it, or (failing that) survive it!

Dating Faux-Pas (or Dating Etiquette)

There’s unimpressive and then there’s just plain unforgivable. These common dating faux-pas are grounds for instant dismissal.

  • Hating on school/ his mates/ his ex-girlfriend. He may be hot but he’s also a hater. Who wants to date Mr. Grumpy? He’s not really after a girlfriend – he’s after someone to listen to him whinge. You’re not Kids Helpline. Pass!
  • Dating as monologue. What is this, an audition? Unless you specifically asked him to talk non-stop about what he thinks/ does/ watches on TV/ eats etc, the arrogance of a me-me-me monologue is enough to send any girl completely batty. Grr!
  • Mr Sexy Times. Let’s face it – most teen dudes have a loooong way to go before we’ll award them the status of Gentlemen. And the worst just see dating as something to endure before the night turns R rated. Hold off on sexy times until you’re sure your dude is respectful and respected. Anything else is selling yourself way short.
  • Too much, too soon. You know he’s not over his ex, he wants to be a lawyer for the money, his parents are splitting and he thinks you’re really hot: all in the first five minutes. Overshare much? No dice.

Spice It Up

So he’s broken every rule in the book (or at least dissed on Twilight one too many times) – it’s game over for you, but you’ve still got another hour to go. Never fear! These oh-so-cheeky techniques will help you enjoy any date you’ve already checked out of:

  • Pretend he’s your actual current crush or pin-up boy du jour. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how riveting Robert Pattison describing his childhood experiences in Wangaratta can be.
  • Break ALL the dating rules, How To Lose A Guy style. Ask him when you should get married then baby talk to him. It’s a story that will never get old.
  • Get him to start gossiping about all the dudes in your school (guys are pretty clueless on boundaries, so he’ll probably tell you heaps of stuff he shouldn’t).
  • Ask him for lovelife advice.

Exit strategies (In case of emergency…)

You’re smart, sassy and spunky. You’ve got better things to do than sit through a really bad date! Behold our failsafe exit strategies that won’t destroy your karma by making him feel as bad as the date is.

1. The fake phone call: A classic for a reason. “Hello Mum? Oh no you’ve locked yourself out! And there’s something on the stove? Omigod, I’ll be right there!”

2. The early start (you’ve just had). Yawn, then apologize. “I’m so sorry – I’ve been up since 5am thanks to a barking dog/ early spin class/ drunk neighbour. I’m going to have to call it a night earlier than I thought!”

3. The pretend ex-boyfriend: Double take at a stranger, and react awkwardly. When he asks what’s wrong, make the following confession: “See that guy over there? That’s my ex-boyfriend. Our relationship ended badly and now he completely ignores me when we go out. I really hate seeing him. Can we leave?”

Remember:

* It’s not you – it’s them.

* It’ll make a hilarious story tomorrow

* It could be worse (maybe)

Copyright Georgia Clark 2010


 

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About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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