The Ten Commandments of Facebook

Copyright Georgia Clark 2010

Girlfriend is… telling you what’s the go and what’s a no when it comes to the Book of Face.

Are you playing by the Facebook rules? Read on to find out…

Thou Shall Not Post Fugly Photos Of Anyone (Even If You Look Really Hot In Them).

We know it’s tempting. After all, you did look superfab that night and yup, now you’ve got the pictures to prove it. But while you’re pulling a Beauty, through bad lighting and a low cut top gone horribly wrong, your bestie looks like the Beast. Sorry kiddo – this one stays on your MacBook, NOT the interweb.

Thou Shall Not Update One’s Status More Than Twice A Day.

Reality check: Unless you’re Kristen Stewart, your life probably isn’t so interesting it demands constant updating. Once or twice a day is more than enough to keep yourself on everyone’s radar: more than this and you’ll be hidden* for sure…


Thou Shall Not Befriend Those You Don’t Know.

Really? You want complete strangers to sift through your personal photos and details? We know you want your friend count sky-high, but if you stick to friends-in-real-life, you can smugly tell the chick with 600 friends you’re actually tight with your cosy 150.

Thou Shall Not Post Private, Mean Or Self-Pitying Thoughts On Public Walls.

It’s not Jerry Springer. It’s lame.

Thou Shall Not List Every Single Movie/ Book/ Album You’ve Ever Heard Of In Your Likes And Dislikes.

We get it: you’re a well-rounded culture vulture, but a clever half-dozen picks showcasing the many sides of the wonderful you is a gazillion times better than an encyclopedic rant.

Thou Shall Flirt With Your Crush

It’s the 21st century and flirtation has found a home on the fabulous superhighway. You don’t need to go overboard: just the occasional message on his wall, ‘liking’ his status update and comments on the hottest pics of him is enough to show he’s got your attention….

Thou Shall Click ‘Attend’ ONLY If You Plan On Attending.

Deciding to stay home on a rainy day instead is fine, but what’s with those peeps who accept every invitation and show up to none? We prefer the real slightly reclusive you to the fake social butterfly you, seriously.

Thou Shall Use The ‘Friends List’ Function.

Why? Cuz it’s super handy, that’s why! If you’re organizing a Gossip Girl marathon at yours, you definitely don’t want to invite every single friend you have rocking up unless you want a OTT party that’ll end up on 60 Minutes. You want your inner circle there, and with one click on your Inner Circle friends list that’s busting at the seams with your nearest and dearest, they’ll be there!

Thou Shall Friend Someone In Order To Snoop Through Their Photos And Defriend Them Ten Minutes Later.

Well, we’re not saying you SHOULD do that. We just know that you will, and there’s really nothing wrong with that: it’s Facebook. It’s designed for the stalker in us all.

Thou Shall Not Friend Your ‘Rents.

Don’t. Go. There. Look, even if you’re BFFs with your Mom and tell her totally everything, that doesn’t mean all your friends want Mommy Dearest able to see and be horrified by all those kind of pictures they have.

Thou Shall Not Poke.

Poking in Facebook is like poking in real-life: pointless, and kind of annoying.

*GF says: Someone getting too noisy? Make their (constant) updates invisible by clicking ‘hide’ next to them in your news feed!



About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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