Is Your Man Too Metro?

Gone are the days when ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ passed as a suitable pick-up line – and thank Mary-Kate! Buff-but-brainless types whose idea of romance extends to pawing at you during the footy commercials are So Over. All hail the age of the metrosexual: the fashion-conscious New Man who’s in touch with his emotions and his extensive shopping needs. But is your man too metro?

Crime # 1: Bathroom Overload

It started with switching soaps from Homebrand to Dove and ended in a can’t-leave-the-house-without-it obsession with organic eye gel from Switzerland. He always takes longer than you to get ready and that little fussing act he does with his hair is about to make you scream! If shaving is something he approaches with the dedication and focus of an Olympic athlete, your mirror man suffers from Bathroom Overload.

It’s OK if: He complains about a bad hair day.

Little bit weird when: He complains about a bad chest hair day.

Crime # 2: Manlove Overload

It’s one thing to have a regular boy’s night, it’s another when dates with the hotness of you are constantly being passed over for band practice/ b-ball training/ chess club – it’s manlove overload! We’re not saying you must be the most important thing in his life, but hey, outfits like the one you’re rocking need to be appreciated!

It’s OK if: He wants their opinion on where to take you out.

Little bit weird when: He wants your opinion on where to go out with them.

Crime # 3: Me-me-me Overload

This is how he rolls come Saturday: 9am: Run and workout. 10.30am: Trim, pedi, a little waxing. Midday: Armani stocktake sale. 2.30pm: Trip to the newsagency to pick up airfreighted copies of Vanity Fair and Men’s Vogue… In this case, Obsession is more than just his cologne. Your man needs to start opening his eyes to the needs of others and realize intellectual pursuits does not end with subscribing to Men’s Health.

It’s OK if: Essential items include deoderant and face cream.

Little bit weird when: Essential items include a full-length mirror

Add ‘Em Up!

[Art; could use pic of Cher flirting with her gay best friend from Clueless?] Beware your buffed beau is not batting for the boys-who-like-boys team.

* Is a better cook than you: 2 points

* Has more shoes than you do: 7 points

* Knows that Louis Vuitton, Oscar De La Renta and Marc Jacobs are NOT European exchange students: 3 points

* Watches more Fashion TV than you: 1 point

* Watches more Fashion TV than you – but only for the interviews with the designers: 6 points

* Is currently rocking a faux-hawk, frosted tips or foils: 4 points

* Is jealous of your Colin Farrell poster (not that you have one up – he’s after one too): 10 points

* Owns an army of V-neck t-shirts: 1 point

* Is scared of ghosts, mice and/ or fast food: 6 points

* Worships Perez Hilton: 3 points

* Is doing this quiz with you after stumbling on it after your shared dissection of the fashion pages: 7 points

* Would prefer a decent workout to dinner-and-a-movie: 6 points

* Is saving up for an all-over seaweed wrap: 5 points

* Cries in sad movies: 3 points

* Cries in Project Runway: 8 points

* Loves spending a night in watching movies like Gladiator, 300 or anything else featuring oiled-up topless dudes: 3 points

Scores:

0 – 45

Diagnosis: Clooney (Straight )

45 – 75

Diagnosis: Rhys (Gay)

Copyright Georgia Clark 2010

 

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About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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