How to Date a Vampire (without getting bit)

If you’re anything like us, you’ve fallen head over Manolos for the tall, dark and dead. But dating a vampire is not something to be taken lightly. Before you get cozy with your very own Edward, make sure you follow these five simple rules.

1. Respect Their Privacy. Vampires exist under the cover the darkness and thrive on secrecy. Bella didn’t dish on the Cullen’s true nature and neither can you! According to everyone else, this dude is just a major night owl, genetically thin, and drinks a LOT of Ribena. If you’re one to Twitter every sweet moment with your number one squeeze, maybe the undead isn’t for you – status updating the fact your brooding bad boy “just told me he’s fang over heels for me” will not win you brownie points.

GL says: Describing your new beau as a musician is a smart way to go – that explains why he’s always up late and is constantly brooding!

2. Age-Appropriate Dating. Remember, your undead honey may look like the fountain of youth, but in reality he’s older than your Dad (don’t think about that too much). He’s not going to be too impressed with wild kid-filled parties grinding to R’N’B – and he likes you because that’s not exactly your scene either. Art galleries that open late, romantic moonlit walks and late night movie screenings are far more his bag. Remember, vampires don’t eat, so dinner dates won’t fly.

GL says: Avoid birthday parties like the plague. That’s just one more reminder that you’re getting old and he’s not.

3. Boys Will Be Boys. Let’s face it: the vampire is the ultimate bad boy. He’s only out at night, he looks good in black and he’s a bad-ass killer with superstrength. And given your vampire guy is still a guy, just like the fact some dopey dudes are only after sex (groan), some vampires are just after blood. The usual rules apply here – he has to earn your trust – yes, even if he’s really, really hot.  If he’s only after a quick-fix bite, stay clear! Get to know him in public places before being alone, and if possible, get to know his friends to find out if this guy is a cold-blooded killer, or just cold-blooded.

GL says: Until you’re 100% in luv, best to carry a vial of holy water in your tote – just in case.

4. Don’t Tempt Him. Once you’ve established your vampy lover doesn’t see you as meals-on-wheels, help him out by keeping your neck covered. Now is the time to start accessorizing with scarves and rocking turtlenecks. Keep in mind your fang-filled friend has extra strong senses, so one light spritz of perfume is all you need to hide what he actually finds more alluring – the smell of YOU.

GL says: A knotted vintage silk scarf will add a feminine, classy touch to your outfit, as well as disguising your prime real estate from your blood-lust beau.

5. It’s Big Love Time. We all know that turning heightens your five senses, and it also seems to expand your heart. No one loves like the vampire. If you’re looking to date the darling undead, be prepared for big love. Huge love. Spans generations and time zones love. His feelings for you are poetically endless and unlike the mere mortal boy, he’s not afraid to wax lyrical about it. The vampire boy loves like the boys of our dreams: unconditionally, passionately and eternally. The words ‘casual’ and ‘fling’ do not exist in a vampire’s vocabulary. Are you ready for that? Only a fool would cheat on a vampire, so if you’re still looking to play the field, do it with those possessing a pulse.

GL says: Your guy will get gooey for an old-fashioned handwritten love letter – the sappier the better!

They’re blood sucking murderers in serious need of a spray tan. In one sense, the vampire as number one hottie makes no sense at all – what’s the dealio with our collective crush? Well, for starters, vampires tap into society’s fears and secret desires about sexuality. The first popular archetype that the vampires of today are based on was Dracula, as envisioned by Bram Stoker in 1897. The reclusive, mysterious Dracula offered an intoxicating antidote to the conservative Victorian age with his lust for ladies and, of course, blood. In a society where homosexuality was actually outlawed, Dracula provocatively pursued men’s necks, as well as women’s, further adding to his dangerous appeal. The result? A public fascination that has – unlike vampires themselves – refused to die.

Copyright Georgia Clark 2010


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About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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