GF Guide to Bird Boy-Watching

It’s summertime, and that means it’s time to hit the beach to observe one of the great outdoors most beautiful creatures. Ladies, start your binoculars!

The Sporty Outdoorsy Guy.

This beautifully turned out Aussie breed is a native of the beach, the bush, the snow – actually you’ll find this creature in most parts of the great outdoors, all year round. You’ll easily be able to spot this breed due to the large variety of sports balls and surfboards near his nesting ground. The Sporty Outdoorsy guy is notable for his even brown tan and near-perfect abs.

Known by the cry: “Who’s up for a surf?”

Plumage: Roxy boardshorts, Oakley sunnies.

Celeb-alike: Joel Parkinson (pro surfer)

Mating habits: The Sporty Outdoorsy Guy tends to seek a mate from within his own breed, ie. The Sporty Outdoorsy Chick.

The Nerdy Arty Guy.

If you spot the Nerdy Arty Guy at the beach this summer, think yourself lucky! This fascinating breed is far more nocturnal, and more commonly observed at post-punk indie rock gigs and warehouse parties. The Nerdy Arty Guy will probably not be at the beach based on his own natural desire, most likely he’s a slightly unwilling member of a larger mixed group. You can identify this special breed by his copy of Catcher in the Rye and sense of irony.

Known by the cry: “Um, I didn’t realize the beach was so sandy“.

Plumage: Vampire-pale skin and skinny black jeans – yes, even at the beach.

Celeb-alike: Michael Cera or Robert Pattison or Seth Cohen

Mating habits: The Nerdy Arty Guy is shy and must be approached with caution. However should you earn his trust, the Nerdy Arty Guy tends mate for life.

The Party Guy:

The Party Guy is an inherently social, noisy breed so you won’t have much trouble locating him. Find one Party Guy and you’ll find an entire flock! Just listen out for blaring hip-hop and the sound of constant hi-fives.

Known by the cry: “Let’s get this party started!”

Plumage: Bright and colourful novelty t-shirts.

Celeb-alike: Ashton Kutcher or Spencer from The Hills.

Mating habits: The Party Guy will almost certainly be looking for a mate this summer but be warned – the Party Guy is not a monogamous breed, so if its commitment you’re after, turn your binoculars elsewhere.

The Tourist

The Tourist is an exciting species to spot for any serious boy watcher! Unique in nature, the Tourist is a fascinating species as unlike other boys, he is not native to Australia. For that reason, he’s a curious breed with a taste for adventure and spontaneity. You’ll sure to enjoy many an hour observing his strange ways and gorgeous plumage. The Tourist can be identified by a Lonely Planet guide to Australia, not enough sunscreen, and a confused but happy look on face.

Known by the cry: “What does ‘no worries’ mean? Do I look worried?”

Plumage: Varies, but tends to be more formal in appearance than the Aussie breeds you’re familiar with.

Celeb-alike: Gael García Bernal.

Mating habits: The Tourist tends to mate for short periods (a day to a week), due to the fleeting nature of his appearance on our shores.

GF Tips for Boy Watching

  • Invest in a good pair of binoculars
  • Carry a notebook to record your sightings
  • An esky of cool beverages will bring the boys to you
  • Be patient – the rewards will come

Copyright Georgia Clark 2010


About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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