You came, you saw, you pashed and now, well, you’re relationshipping… You think. Maybe. Is this love or are you just flirting? Getting deep with your honey about where yo at is a big call – here’s the dealio, GF-style.
Honey, where are we going?
Let’s be frank: this is dangerous territory. In an ideal world, you’d never have to have this discussion – at least, not with any feelings of apprehension surrounding it. No, you’d both be so head-over-heels for each other, it’d just be so super-obvious where this is going; Coupleville, Land of Love! But in reality, it’s rare both parties are 100% on the same page about what’s happening. When you’re the less interested party, you probably won’t spend more than five minutes a week thinking about this. But when you get the feeling you like him more than he likes you – look out! Major obsessive road blocks ahead! If you really feel you can’t let the relationship itself work out where it’s going, then you can legitimately have The Talk. Here’s how:
- Never have this conversation angry or upset. It’s very important you chat in person (IM is NOT ‘in person’!) when you’re both feeling playful, warm and relaxed, and when neither of you have something to scoot off to.
- Do positively visualise an outcome. What do you really want him to say or do? If it’s declare his undying love for you and start setting a wedding date, well, that’s pretty much totally insane and you need to reassess where you’re taking your relationship expectations from (too many Hugh Grant movies, perhaps?). You can’t force someone to like you more than they do. However you can communicate in a non-crazy/ emotionally distraught way your needs…
- And likewise, you can get him to tell you his. Unlike girls, guys aren’t socialised to constantly discuss, recap and evaluate how they’re feeling. Pushing for him to open up isn’t always the best way forward, so try starting with small things – like asking about an emotional response to a story he’s told you, rather than just the usual guy facts and figures approach.
When it’s OK to have The Talk:
- You’re sussing he wants to have the talk, but doesn’t know how. This may involve him asking you what you’re thinking about several times a day (you reply a sale at Supré, he looks miffed).
- Something’s changed. You’ve reached a few luv milestones together – hooked up, hung out, defined a few things, he’s introduced you to his mates… and now things are weird. Is it you? Him?
- It’s casual, and you’ve met someone. All relationships start super-cas – no one wants to be tied down from Day One, and if it’s really meant to be, this is just a pressure-free try-before-you-buy period for both of you. But sometimes life throws you a curveball and just when you’ve started hanging out with Boy A, Boy B comes along. Where’s it going with Boy A? There’s only one way to find out…
Danger Will Robinson!
The Talk may push your guy further into a corner he’s not so sure about being in the first place. If he’s still working out if he likes you and you’re demanding the relationship be monogamous, that can chase him away faster then you can say ‘overbearing girlfriend’. Proceed with caution.
Copyright Georgia Clark 2010