Which Superhero Would Be Best In Bed?

Should you bed the Bat or get saucy with Spidey? Would Wolverine be a dirty dog or total fox? Sure, they can save the day but now Georgia Clark reveals what superheroes are really like in the sack…

Batman

Okey dokey, the deal with the Bat is he doesn’t actually possess superhuman abilities; his parents were killed in front of him so he vowed to spend his life avenging crime and do it dressed like a giant bat. He’s obsessed with his own dark side, making crazy gadgets in a big spooky cave and dressing in latex most nights. Oh, and he has a “special friend”, Robin, who also likes donning a colourful cape and tights, despite being a normal human like the rest of us. And he’s also pretty damn close to a distinguished old guy called Alfred. So if you dig moody bad boys into S+M who are kinda gay, don’t delay, bed the Bat today!

Spiderman

If you can get past the fact Spiderman basically looks like he cums out of his hands, we’re liking the way the baby-faced boy in red is shaping up. 1. No position is off limits. He makes the So You Think You Can Dance kids look like wheel bound pensioners. 2. No place is off limits. Ever wanted to make sweet superhero love above Paris, tangled recklessly in the Eiffel Tower? C’mon, who hasn’t! 3. His alter ego is one of those adorable nerdy types, crippled by insecurity and therefore grateful for every conversation with the opposite sex. 4. Looks a bit like Tobey Maguire. OK Spidey, we’re sold. Trap us in your web… and leave the mask on.

Wolverine

The passion! The raw animal desire! The scratchmarks! Wolvy is a winner if you dig doing it doggy style and like your X-rated adventures to skip the slow burn stage and go straight to the boil. Look, the man was raised by wolves. If you can tame the beast, he’s all yours.

Wonder Woman

Everyone, altogether now – sisters, doing it for themselves!! She’s strong, independent, crazily sexy and feisty as hell. Wonder Woman doesn’t have a dark side like other bad boys on this here page, and because she’s always the one saving the day, she’d probably want you to be in charge in the boudoir, like those CEOs who like getting whipped by goth chicks in shiny boots. Then there’s the Lasso of Truth, which isn’t only a way cool sex toy, but she’d always be able to suss what you REALLY wanted to do. Plus, what about those indestructible bracelets – fashionable AND handy in a crisis! There’s no bad here, W-Woman is pretty much the hottest girl hook-up you could ever hope for.

Superman

Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Superlay! Yes? Yes? No. Perennially clean cut and let’s face it, just plain cut, the pin-up boy for good old fashioned farmyard values may fool the unsuspecting gal into thinking that just because the Man of Steel could get up and stay up alllll night, he should be number one on our lust list. Can you imagine what would happen should total and unbridled lust overcome someone who leaves accidental fingerprints in concrete and steel? And what about Superman’s Super cum – his guys wouldn’t imitate a tiny pink fountain so much as a deadly spray of red hot bullets! Ouchies!!

Incredible Hulk

Pro: You’re never going to meet a bigger muscle man. Con: Said muscles only emerge in a blind state of rage. Pro: You’d have heaps of hot, post-fight sex. Con: By this stage he’s back to being a personality-free zone scientist. Con: He’s massively ugly. Con: He’s completely green. Con: He is the Incredible Hulk.

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About Georgia

I'm a young adult novelist with a weakness for hot nerds and cheese platters, not necessarily in that order. I am currently working on my third novel. I'm pretty excited about having just turned 30 because it means I can justify spending a lot of time thinking about homewares.
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