The world of alternative medicine and energetic healing is the newest frontier for those who like it a little hippy trippy. But how effective is it? Georgia Clark puts mind over matter to the test.
A hands-free orgasm? Yes please!
Allie Theiss is a self-employed single mother from Ohio who specialises in telepathic orgasms. According to Allie, it’s like an intense daydream that feels real, and can be done with a partner or solo (with anyone you’ve ever met!). As her website says, it’s the ‘anytime, anywhere, orgasmic experience’.
I was sent seven four-page lessons via email. Lesson One focussed on learning to move energy around your body – for example, passing an imaginary ball of energy back and forth between your hands. Check. I got stuck on Lesson Two – telepathically connecting with another person. Following the instructions, I imagined myself in a big, white bubble that extended to the person I was connecting to (a variety of different friends). Doing this successfully, I should have felt a “multitude of impressions pouring into my mind”, combined with a distinct physical reaction. Nothing noteworthy.
Allie then connected to me. She said she heard car horns and tasted something salty. I’d spent all afternoon in my quiet apartment eating cake. She told me, “you connect to someone’s energy which holds memories, so you could be seeing the past, present or future. What matters is if you felt anything when I connected.” Unfortunately, I didn’t. And given that every city-dweller is probably going to have energy filled with car horns and salty food, you don’t need to read my mind to guess I’m left feeling a little skeptical.
Cost: $33.00 ($29.95USD)
You are getting sleepy…
I’ll usually have a drink or two a night, and drinking in the week was a bad habit I wanted to nix altogether. Prognosis? Hypnosis!
I took the fact my hypnotist’s name was Trudy Beers as an excellent sign. For the first hour and a half we talked extensively about why I was there. As she made clear, hypnosis only works if you really want it to.
We moved to a comfortable couch. Amid low lighting and new-age music, Trudy started to relax me. Stages of relaxation were reached, and then surpassed. Once I was at the deepest stage, I was to imagine different scenarios. My problems were rocks I put into a hot air balloon, then the balloon floated away. I was to picture the old, weekday drinking me as a different person called Alice. Alice accepted a new task of empowering me not to drink, before we merged bodies.
I was ‘under’ for about an hour. I felt in control and aware the whole time, so it wasn’t scary or manipulative. I felt heavy, warm and comfortable while the intention of ‘releasing beer and wine Monday through Thursday’, was endlessly repeated.
Ladies, I’m happy to report yours truly has consequently been sober as saint during the past two weeks. I actually think it was our in-depth session prior to the hypnosis that really sealed the deal. Here I really convinced myself drinking was expensive, unhealthy and ultimately unsatisfying. I’m a part-time alcoholic and I’m proud!
See: hypnosischangeslives.com/ national-hypnotherapists-register-australia.com
Cost: Between $380 – $550 per session. ($350USD – $500USD)
Put your hands on me, baby.
Reiki (pronounced ray-kee) is a Japanese energetic healing practice whereby a reiki practitioner uses their hands as a conduit to pass universal energy, aka chi or prana, through themselves, to you. Reiki, like acupuncture or massage, is used to help everything from long-term health problems to simply feeling ‘out of sorts’. I was there for insomnia.
To start, my diminutive practitioner Stacy asked what I’d do before (attempting to) fall asleep. Turns out snacking on M+Ms and watching The West Wing isn’t only bad feng-shui, but TV, sugar and doing anything but sleeping in my bed are all no-nos!
On a massage table in her apartment, Stacy placed her hands lightly on my body to channel energy where she felt it is was most needed. My head “took the most”, which is common with writers. For Stacy, her hands feel tingling or hot as the energy passes through. For me, it’s really relaxing. Ninety minutes passed quickly – it felt more like an hour! I emerged blinking and dopey – as Stacy put it “sort of high”. During my second session I went even deeper, almost falling asleep.
Overall while my reiki sessions left me feeling dreamier than RPatz, it didn’t ‘cure’ me of insomnia, but that’s like expecting to get fit after one gym visit. But perhaps my love of late-night TV drama and chocolate has more to do with that…
See: aflightabovevenus.com/ reikiaustralia.com.au
Cost: $140 per session ($130USD)
Copyright Georgia Clark 2010